I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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