my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
