Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
