There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Randomize
