sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
