gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
