i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
