haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
