Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i out mim tonsoeep
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
