it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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