and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
