I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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