so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
