i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He is an equal opportunity slut.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I checked into jail on foursquare
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
