i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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