just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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