He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Randomize
