I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
