There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
