so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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