O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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