Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
