I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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