i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
