I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
