Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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