Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
