Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
