i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
