Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
