I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
