my sisters under your porch take her home
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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