i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
