Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
