Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
