my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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