fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
