I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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