my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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