i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
