this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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