and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
