What did we do last night that was yellow?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
