escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
