you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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