My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
