Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You are the jesus of drinking
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
