Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize