so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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