If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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