I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize