My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
