I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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