I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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