just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
MIDGETS
????
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
