My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
