how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
