Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
