I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
