Screwed.edu
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
