YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize