Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize