I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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