You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
