A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
