i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
