I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Come share oat with me in your robe
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
