Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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