Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
