And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
