somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
