Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
