he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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