Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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