There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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