Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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