the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
