Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
