hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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