In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
