you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
